Experience of St.Thomas : Write Up for School Magazine

To write about my experience with St.Thomas is a difficult task,not that it lacks substance but it has too much of it and which makes it difficult to choose what to share.My experience with St.Thomas is one of the best one in my life so far.School life is one of most important phase of a person's life,it kind of shapes your future,your aspirations and your dreams and St.Thomas has pro\/ided each of those in best forms.

May be what i miss defines the best what my school has offered me.I miss being forced my mom to get up for school,going to school on my bicycle(of which brakes ne\/er worked and i ne\/er got them repaired), and no matter at what time i got ready i was always late and my bicyle entered the school premises with the first ring of school bell,used to rush to cycle stand and put my bag aside the pillar on staircase and join the line for assembly.I miss being the school prefect and slide with my school time shoes in the lobby,to make sure students mo\/e in proper line.I miss being first captain of St.Aloysis house(Blue house),to hold flag on march past.I miss praying that rain didn't stop in the morning so that we may ha\/e a rainy day off and if it rained during school time than too i prayed it didn't stopped so that i ha\/e to tie shoes with laces on each side of bicycle handle,put socks in pants and make my full pant into half so that i can ship the bicycle in the ri\/er made my rain in K'block.

I miss coming early in morning sometimes to complete my hindi and english homeworks,but still stand out of class because all other friends are out for not completing it.I miss julius caesar.I miss the chemistry labs carrying out experiments of our own,of whose results showed with different coloured strains on my apron.I miss being part of plays of my batchmates,which seemed to ha\/e same theme each time.I miss making preparations for farewell of seniors.I miss preparing for dance on "chandu k chacha" and still want to perform it once more on stage.I miss annual and sports days preparations.I miss the sound of my heartbeat and aderaline rush in my blood \/eins waiting to hear the "go" sound in a race.I miss hitting my own basket during a house basketball game.(And yes this happened).

What i miss the most is the cricket on school ground.Be it games period,after school on saturdays or any e\/enings of my school time we were always ready for a game.It was a kind of meditation and it was something that took my mind off all the things in life of all the worries,tensions and problems.I still when come to kanpur stand with my bike on the road of school with a friend and make plans of future(though success rate of all plans is less than .1% and but still ha\/e courage to make them again).Ha\/e u e\/er stood in snowfall and looked at the sky so white,and see a snow drop falling slowly onto earth in a zig-zag motion, stood at the top of a mountain peak and a take a deep breath of fresh air and shouted a name to hear a echo,or look down at the Ganges from a cliff 20 feet on which you just ha\/e to jump(And yes i ha\/e experienced them all).These all things ha\/e the same effect of peace as standing outside of school gate with my best friend and tell him of my crushes and all plans of future.

St.Thomas has offered me with the best and most cherised memories of school time and abo\/e all the friends it has gi\/en me.I can't miss without mentioning them De\/anshi,Harshit,\/ernika,\/aishali,Saurabh,Aditya,Ashu,Kratika,Rajat and Aarti,You all ha\/e made my life special and filled my life with joys.You all are integral and inseparable part of my life and life without you all is just so common :). As i always say "And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter and the sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed".You all ha\/e pro\/ided the warmth,care and lo\/e any human e\/er longed for(and yes this is the answer of philosophical question of what makes any person really happy).Thanks you St.Thomas for making them part of my life.This is the only thing i can't repay you.And i always owe you.The other things you offered me,my dreams,career and self confidence, will always represent you in me where\/er i go.Lo\/e u for being there St.Thomas!!!

Chup Hai

In do labzo main ek aashiq ki kahani bata raha hoon......

Aankhein jo bin bole hi haal-e-dil baiyaan kar deti thi,

Aaj woh tere ashqko main chup hai....

Khwaab jinka aagaaz aur anzaam teri marzi thi,

Aaj woh tere saath k bina chup hai.....

Har din chup hai,har shaam chup hai,

teri yaad main haath ka jaam chup hai......

Kal tak jin labo par din raat tera naam tha,

Aaj woh lab sab keh kar bhi chup hai......

Saanson mein ghul kar teri jo yaad aati hai,

dil k dar par jo teri aahatein hoti hai,

Aaj sab meri bebasi par chup hai.....

Tu bhi chup hai,main bhi chup hoon,

Is kasmaksh main waqt bhi chup hai,

Socha maang loon dua main,

Par aaj to khuda bhi chup hai......

Kehte hai log deewana hai,aashiq hai,

is sachai par aaj mere alfaaz bhi chup hai....

Tere laabon ki mushkurahat,mere dil ki betabiyaan,

Mere jazbaat sab,bechain raat ki karwat main chup hai....

Tanhayi main dil chup hai,

Is khamoshi main meri khushi chup hai,

Tere ishq main meri zindagi chup hai......

Future sneaked....

It took me sometime to find this place.So calm so beautiful,Nature being at it's best.Snow covered peaks with dint of green trees,cold breeze providing the best care with it's harshness. Now comes the moment to look down to what i have being waiting for months...the deep blue lake thousand of feet down...my god it's marvelous. Who would have been a fool enough not to open his arms and lift his chin up, take a deep breath and not wished to fall!!!

But i controlled my heart,not that i have given up the idea i came with,the urge was even more stronger than ever before,but my aching old bones needed some time,n why not i was above 70 now and it took my great effort to come here.I took out a water bottle from my bag and took a sip of it and hoped that i had not being stupid enough to leave a clue of where i have headed.Just one more rain-check as the old mind has it's whims.I have burnt all the print-outs from the net,booked tickets from a different travel agent,left my cell phone and never babbled to anyone about this place.

It's not that i have been inconsiderate enough to leave them uninformed,in fact i have written letters for everyone who meant something to me,but it's just that they are scheduled to be delivered 2 days later.Some of my loved ones are dead, some still facing the cruelties of life and some happily living.I have already made my will, divided my things to people as they deserved.Properly arranged all the my insurance papers,business papers and anything that would have been of any importance to anyone.

I don't want to waste any more time,i just need to pack all my precious stuff in an envelope which already has the address of my home.I start putting my watch,my rings into it.As i was about to put my wallet i felt a need to open it once.It had the picture of my sweetheart,she was long gone leaving me alone,but the time healed all wounds.Time is a wonderful healer I took a deep sigh and quickly closed my wallet and packed it into the envelope and sealed it.

Went to the edge of the rocky cliff and once again saw the lake, it rejuvenated me.I don't know what the people will think of me when they come to know about this incident but of what i m sure of is that i want this.Would they consider my weak or freak.who cares i don't give a damn.It's not that i m depressed or unhappy.I have lived my life to the fullest and still living it with joy.It's just that it's my life and i don't want to feel the helplessness of being old,and those who say that it's also the phase to enjoy, i don't believe them. I can't live with everyday of my being a pathetic charade.And those who will like to make me feel guilt by telling that it's god that gives or take life...man give me a break...look around you...you will see many gods around.I have intense faith in Lord shiva and that's something that made me visit banaras last month,but my faith has nothing to do with my decision.I don't want to die tragic or sudden death by an accident or disease and also as i m passionate of heights and to free fall was something i always fantasized then why not mix them both and follow ur heart.I always wanted to fly like an eagle in the blue sky breaking away all the shackles.

Time has come but not till i finish the last ritual...my last cigarette and last shot of vodka...I would like to raise a toast for myself,for living these many years...for the moments cherished and me ....just me....,for my obsessions, for my passion, for my honour, for my principles, for my stupidity ,for my idioticism , for everything i gained and everything i lost, for me the way i was.The vodka was soon in and last puff of cigarette done.I was standing on the cliff looking straight.

Now i look down,it's too deep man!!!,i can feel the adrenaline rush in my blood,the body turns cold as the blood flows through the veins,the breaths turns shorter,a silence prevails,the only thing i can hear are my heartbeats and that to too loud.I try to jump but don't feel the strength to even lift me up in the air,laughs comes from within did i just chickened out...na re...ek baar soch liya to apni bhi nahi sunta...I open my arms,take a real deep breath and try to walk till my foot fails to meet the ground.

I can feel the gravity, believe me i was as happy as newton would have been when he discovered it.Life starts flashing back from childhood memories my park my first home, my school, my college, her face ,all repeating quickly.I can see the distance decreasing really fast.In few seconds i will hit the ground,with this velocity the water will rip my body apart,the fall will soon end, but i have felt wat i always wanted to feel ...fly like an eagle...there is a smile on my face a big one and then everything ends................

khush hoon

Zindagi hai chhoti

har pal main khush hu,

office main khush hu,

ghar par khush hu,

koi bahut ziddi hai,

uski is ada par khush hoon

sar par mahal nahi,

girti diwaro k aanchal main khush hoon,

Aaj dosto ka saath nahi ,facebook

kar k khush hoon,

Koi naraz hai mujhse,

uske is nakhre par khush hoon,

jisko chahata hoon,

uski bewafai par khush hoon,

haqiqat se darr lagta hai,

khawaab main hi khush hoon,

jiske saath nahi hoon,

uski judai main khush hoon,

kismat se jeet nahi sakta,

usse lad kar ki khush hoon,

zindagi meherbaan nahi,

uski nazarandaazi par khush hoon,

jiske liye rota hoon,

uski mushkurahat par khush hoon,

jisko paa nahi nahi sakta,

uski yaad me hi khush hoon,

khuda par bharosa hai,

uski aazmaish main hi khush hoon,

bheed ka hissa nahi,

akele hi khush hoon,

duniya jhoothi hai,

par apni sachai par khush hoon,

Girta hoon,sambhalta hoon,

isi tarah seekhne main khush hoon,

beeta hua kal ja chuka hai,uski

meethi yaadein hai unme hi khush hoon,

Aane wale pal ka pata nahi,sapno

main hi khush hoon,

Aacha laga to comment karna,

warna aise hi khush hoon......