Future sneaked....

It took me sometime to find this place.So calm so beautiful,Nature being at it's best.Snow covered peaks with dint of green trees,cold breeze providing the best care with it's harshness. Now comes the moment to look down to what i have being waiting for months...the deep blue lake thousand of feet down...my god it's marvelous. Who would have been a fool enough not to open his arms and lift his chin up, take a deep breath and not wished to fall!!!

But i controlled my heart,not that i have given up the idea i came with,the urge was even more stronger than ever before,but my aching old bones needed some time,n why not i was above 70 now and it took my great effort to come here.I took out a water bottle from my bag and took a sip of it and hoped that i had not being stupid enough to leave a clue of where i have headed.Just one more rain-check as the old mind has it's whims.I have burnt all the print-outs from the net,booked tickets from a different travel agent,left my cell phone and never babbled to anyone about this place.

It's not that i have been inconsiderate enough to leave them uninformed,in fact i have written letters for everyone who meant something to me,but it's just that they are scheduled to be delivered 2 days later.Some of my loved ones are dead, some still facing the cruelties of life and some happily living.I have already made my will, divided my things to people as they deserved.Properly arranged all the my insurance papers,business papers and anything that would have been of any importance to anyone.

I don't want to waste any more time,i just need to pack all my precious stuff in an envelope which already has the address of my home.I start putting my watch,my rings into it.As i was about to put my wallet i felt a need to open it once.It had the picture of my sweetheart,she was long gone leaving me alone,but the time healed all wounds.Time is a wonderful healer I took a deep sigh and quickly closed my wallet and packed it into the envelope and sealed it.

Went to the edge of the rocky cliff and once again saw the lake, it rejuvenated me.I don't know what the people will think of me when they come to know about this incident but of what i m sure of is that i want this.Would they consider my weak or freak.who cares i don't give a damn.It's not that i m depressed or unhappy.I have lived my life to the fullest and still living it with joy.It's just that it's my life and i don't want to feel the helplessness of being old,and those who say that it's also the phase to enjoy, i don't believe them. I can't live with everyday of my being a pathetic charade.And those who will like to make me feel guilt by telling that it's god that gives or take life...man give me a break...look around you...you will see many gods around.I have intense faith in Lord shiva and that's something that made me visit banaras last month,but my faith has nothing to do with my decision.I don't want to die tragic or sudden death by an accident or disease and also as i m passionate of heights and to free fall was something i always fantasized then why not mix them both and follow ur heart.I always wanted to fly like an eagle in the blue sky breaking away all the shackles.

Time has come but not till i finish the last ritual...my last cigarette and last shot of vodka...I would like to raise a toast for myself,for living these many years...for the moments cherished and me ....just me....,for my obsessions, for my passion, for my honour, for my principles, for my stupidity ,for my idioticism , for everything i gained and everything i lost, for me the way i was.The vodka was soon in and last puff of cigarette done.I was standing on the cliff looking straight.

Now i look down,it's too deep man!!!,i can feel the adrenaline rush in my blood,the body turns cold as the blood flows through the veins,the breaths turns shorter,a silence prevails,the only thing i can hear are my heartbeats and that to too loud.I try to jump but don't feel the strength to even lift me up in the air,laughs comes from within did i just chickened out...na re...ek baar soch liya to apni bhi nahi sunta...I open my arms,take a real deep breath and try to walk till my foot fails to meet the ground.

I can feel the gravity, believe me i was as happy as newton would have been when he discovered it.Life starts flashing back from childhood memories my park my first home, my school, my college, her face ,all repeating quickly.I can see the distance decreasing really fast.In few seconds i will hit the ground,with this velocity the water will rip my body apart,the fall will soon end, but i have felt wat i always wanted to feel ...fly like an eagle...there is a smile on my face a big one and then everything ends................